


Things That May Have Been

by jhoom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s04e17 It's a Terrible Life, Headcanon, M/M, narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 03:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4988386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhoom/pseuds/jhoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>just a thought about "It's a terrible life"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things That May Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> last time i re-watched “it’s a terrible life” (ep 4.17) i remember sam saying how he started working at the office three weeks ago (at least i think it was sam…), and it got me thinking. like… were sam and dean stuck in those roles for those three weeks? this is the result of those thoughts.
> 
> check me out on tumblr @jhoomwrites

There were three weeks of unaccounted time in the life of Dean and Sam Winchester. Three weeks when they were stuck playing Zachariah's game by Zachariah's rules. Given the nature of his relationship to the Winchesters - they were, after all, his charges - one has to wonder if perhaps Castiel was in on this. He must have known of Zachariah's plan, and so perhaps he came down to keep an eye on Dean. Cas just means to stop in, just to reassure himself more than anything else, but of Dean seems stressed. 

Dean Winchester has lived a hard life. On the road, fighting unspeakable things… but that life is his own, one that he’s accustomed to. This life of health food and yoga and marketing and pinstripes… Well, it’s Dean Smith’s life and he loves it, but _he_ doesn’t even exist. Whether he remembers his old life or not, this place is grating on Dean’s nerves.

Castiel wants to help. Doesn’t like to see his charge upset. So he decides to stay, to help Dean de-stress while Zachariah tries to teach him whatever lesson he thinks is so important. And the best way for cas to do that is as his assistant. 

Zachariah scoffs at the idea at first, but Castiel is insistent. So eventually he relents. What harm could it do to his plan?

So Cas starts by trying to make Dean’s job easier. He is an amazing assistant. Everything from scheduling to gathering files to making calls to bringing Dean lunch from that little cafe around the corner with the vegan soup (and so what if he occasionally slips in a slice of their pecan pie? And so what if Dean eats it, even with his strict diet? Because Cas went to the trouble and he’s so much help and Dean doesn’t want to be rude. He’ll just have to do some extra crunches to burn it off.). 

But at the end of the day, Dean’s still stressed out. Cas can see it in the tense way he carries himself when he thinks no one’s looking. When he offers to massage his shoulders, Cas doesn’t think of it as inappropriate - it’s his job as Dean’s assistant to help him, and this will help him, how could it be inappropriate? - until he sees Dean’s already rigid form grow even tighter. 

He awkwardly declines, but later in the day he doesn’t look any better and his mood is deteriorating so Cas doesn’t even bother to offer this time. He just walks up behind Dean, sitting at his desk with a mountain of paperwork for a new client, and starts to firmly press his fingers into the knots between his shoulder blades. And maybe Dean makes a little sqwak of surprise or maybe he has to bite back a moan, because as weird as it is that this is happening he can’t deny that it feels nice. Not just to have someone rubbing the kinks out of his neck, but to be taken care of. And maybe there’s this strange soft spot he has for his assistant, one he’s had since the moment he saw him that he can’t quite explain. 

And maybe that leads one to wonder how it might have progressed from there, over the course of three weeks. How much Dean Smith would come to appreciate what Cas does to help him relax. And all the ways he might help him to do so…

Later, when Dean Smith goes back to being Dean Winchester, of course he’ll act like nothing’s happened between him and Cas. And Cas won’t know if it’s because he honestly doesn’t remember, if the memories of that fake life are too blurry for him to hold on to the finer details and all that remains are the bullet points. And Cas will wonder if maybe that’s not it, if maybe he _does_ remember all those times when Cas helped him unwind. If he chooses to ignore it because Cas did something wrong, overstepped some human boundary. 

So he won’t bring it up, because even with his limited social expertise, he knows it would be awkward either way. And a part of him is afraid of which one it really is and is too much of a coward to find out. So cas keeps silent.

… And maybe Dean does remember, but Cas doesn’t say anything. Cas doesn’t bring it up. And Dean being as self-conscious as he is, as screwed up as that precious man is thinking he doesn’t deserve the kind of attention and care Cas bestowed on him, he just assumes that it was for Dean Smith. That cas would have never done those things for _him_.

So they never talk about it.

But just imagine if they _had_ talked about it…


End file.
